Month: April 2015

I don’t think this is funny.

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I’ve seen this make the rounds online. I sort of hate using it here but I’m hoping that it’s the right thing to do in the long run.

I don’t think this is funny. I don’t think making fun of anyone is funny. Sure, I’ve done it in the past and afterwards, it made me feel like shit. I wasn’t proud of myself and liked myself a bit less. Actually, I felt ashamed for doing it.

I don’t know Bruce Jenner. I’ve never seen his show. I remember him from the Olympics and what a great guy he seemed to be. He’s famous and some people feel it gives them fair fame.

It doesn’t. You have the right to do these things, but that doesn’t  make them right.

I don’t know his story and I don’t care enough to find out. But whatever it might be, no one deserves to be ridiculed in life or online. No one.

But it’s so easy, isn’t it, to sit back and snicker and giggle about others. To share it around and feel a bit superior.

I never feel superior to anyone. There are lots of things that I do better than some. There are lots of things that others do better than me. I’m a better person than some and not as good as others.

I regret the times I’ve been mean to someone. There was always a better way to deal with it. Telling someone to back the fuck down isn’t mean; it’s often times survival.

But the times I said or did something for the sole purpose of being mean ARE the things I regret. I try not to do that anymore and I often succeed.

But when I see something like this, from people who I like, my affinity and respect for them dips down a notch.

Don’t we all have more important things to do with our time? Is this the type of shit we want to teach our kids? Do you really want to be known as the guy or gal that makes fun of others?

Not me.

“She quietly expected great things to happen to her, and no doubt that’s one of the reasons why they did.” ― Zelda Fitzgerald

She quietly expected great things to happen to her, and no doubt that’s one of the reasons why they did.Zelda Fitzgerald

Whenever I forget that I am destined for greatness, or have already attained it in some areas, I get sad. I start to feel anxious and begin to worry about the stupidest of things. Things that don’t matter now and sure as hell won’t matter when I’m dead.

I’ve always tried to live in the here and now and I suck at it. I make it too complicated, too significant and I’m constantly thinking “But I’ve got to…”

“No, Susan, you don’t. You’re fine. Everything is fine.”

“But if I don’t get this done…”

“You will. You always do.”

“You say that now, but do you remember….?”

“No, I don’t. That was the past. It has no meaning here.”

“Here? What do you mean, here?”

“I mean now. This moment. All you need to look at is now. The rest will take care of itself. Now, go have some tea. You like tea and yet you never make it. Go enjoy that moment of now.”

“Tea is good. And after that?”

“It doesn’t matter. When are you going to learn to trust yourself? Now or later? Hard to do, since there is no later.”

“You’re messing with my head….”

“No. You.”

Stop it!”

“No. You.”

“I hate it when I’m right and wrong.”

“Me too.”

You’re great. Just like you are, right now, in this moment.

Now I have to go make some tea.

Angry follower is angry

angry-catWhat some followers do on their posts when you don’t let them hijack your post.

Picture totally related.

You know the type – draws first blood and then runs off and cries when you hand them their ass on a platter. The usual action after that, is crying about you, how mean you are and tries to rally the mob.

Go for it! I’ll get the popcorn and pull up a chair.

It’s what some call passive/aggressive. I hate that term.

I prefer “Asshole/bitch coward.”

But that’s me.

Bigots and haters and assholes errywhere!

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Once again, I have had the dubious pleasure/insanity of learning who my friends are. About 95% of them didn’t surprise me. But even that 5% can cut you to the core.

Bigots grab onto every little thing they can get their hands on. That’s what they do and they spend a scary amount of time online, looking, searching, finding hashtags, to support their twisted and hateful existence.

I know this. I’ve seen it many times and it amuses me. People believe what they want to believe and won’t listen to anything they don’t want to hear.

But to watch a few people I considered (note the past tense) friends, take a story that is lies, and run with it as truth? Well, shit, that ain’t right!

Calling me and my friends an evil cult, calling us hateful people and deserving of being on the receipt point of their lynch mob?

That’s hate. Pure and simple. But I’ve yet to meet a bigot that I considered intelligent, so there’s that.

My two favorites were former friends, one who lives in Canada, and the other is a Jewish man in Florida.

The Canadian not only wanted our non-profit status cancelled (WTF does she know about any of this?), but also wanted an actor boycotted, and completely did a two-faced move. To me, she thinks I’m great. To others, she says I belong to an evil cult.

I’m sure she didn’t pull her head out of her ass enough to remember she was commenting on someone else’s (another former friend) public post.

Plus this is someone that’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Obviously.

The guy in Florida used to hit on me a lot. I just blew him off and that was fine. He said, to my face, he thought my religion was fine but not for him.

Ummm….sorry….don’t really give a fuck and gee, thanks for your approval…but whatever.

Now, I have to be even more honest – I have a VERY difficult time understanding a bigot when they are also part of a highly persecuted religious group. I mean, I expect at least a bit of empathy, ya know?

But I guess not. He watched a show on us from 4 people who hadn’t been part of my church for over 20 years. In fact, I know a couple of them from days gone by and guess what? THEY were doing the shit, not us.

I wonder how the twit in Florida would feel if I started to share Nazi websites and called them true?  I mean, they were on HBO, right? So it must be true, right?

But enough of them.

So what happened next?

My friends, the Calvary, arrived. One chewed out several people about their attacks on me. Several others told me they didn’t care, knew it was bull shit and stood by me. I didn’t say anything, but for a few days, my social media accounts were full of the crap.

I had a misunderstanding with another friend and it was quickly resolved. THAT’S proof of friendship. It’s not that you agree or disagree – I like hearing other points of view – but it’s when there’s a glitch in the force and it’s very easy to repair.

God knows I’m a warrior. I’m not always easy to be around. I’m intense and I can be rude.  I am stubborn and refuse to allow moron’s to stay in my life.

But my friends are like that too, each in their own way. My family was pissed and circled the wagons. I’ve been through betrayals before but to see these asshats accuse us of what they had done? To see people believe it and spread it? To bring up the past and slam it in my face?

No, friends don’t do that. They may say nothing, they may ask a question or two, they may try to protect you, but they don’t run with it, knowing that it hurts you. They don’t post, sit back and giggle and not care about you.

So in the end, it was worth it. I am happy and calmer. I’ve withstood another storm and am stronger for the next one, for another one will come. It always does.

The bigots didn’t hurt me so much as made me feel disappointed in them. That lasted only a moment or two and was replaced by a tad of anger and mostly boredom.

What sad and pathetic people they are. They live online, have absolutely no ability to analyze data, take everything they read as true and couldn’t navigate their way out of a paper bag with holes in it. What they consider a friend is far different from what I do.

Information gives you power and that’s how I feel now.

Better for the knowledge, proud of my friends and family and love them even more.

Love thyself first.

If you’re not doing this, give it a try.

I know for me, life is much better when I at least like myself, which I do most of the time. We humans are prone to beat ourselves up, sometimes over the silliest and most mundane things.

I spent a long time regretting an argument I had with someone. It was horrible and I was way out of line. For a very long time, I carried that around. I still wince when I think about it. It’s one of those moments that I wish I could rewind and re-record. I know I can’t and that moment is gone, but it was also at the time when I was hating myself. I didn’t see it at the time, of course. Haters are never wrong. You are wrong. Not them.

I was struggling with so many things. I was in an unhappy marriage but didn’t even know it yet. To me, marriage means you’re stuck. You can’t leave. You’ve nowhere to go. No one to talk to. Like prison. Yes, it’s prison to me. Well, I should qualify that statement. A bad marriage is a prison sentence to me.

Can’t leave. Can’t stay. Just shoot me now.

Life was hard and it was hard because I was doing the things I was “supposed” to do and not the things I wanted. I was working at a place that was a can of worms and incredibly stressful. I needed the money. Oh how I needed the money. I had done the right things:

  • Got married
  • Bought a house
  • Worked hard
  • Bought some cars
  • Had lots of credit card debt
  • Worked harder to go further into debt and stress more

The only thing I forgot to do was to have children, but that’s a 10 page post and I weary of the topic.

After the argument, months later, I sat down and was wondering who I had turned into. The girl I knew would never have been that mean, that vicious, that ballistic. I didn’t like her and didn’t want to know her. But because I had done it, I could undo it. No one else could. It was on me, completely.

I decided to stop being her. I didn’t have an answer as to why she became the owner of my life, but I was kicking her out and taking ownership and responsibility for myself.

The first step was to forgive myself for what I had done. That took a while and was constant work. I tried this and that to “move on” but it was all nonsense because it’s a simple act.

In order to forgive myself, I at least had to like myself. I mean, who truly forgives, in their heart, someone they hate? Not me.

Instead of focusing on all my negative – and we all have negative – I focused on what I did right, what was right about me and worked on that.

Then a funny thing happened.

I began to smile at myself in the mirror. I instinctively began to make better decision because I was finally factoring myself into the equation.

Yes, suddenly my well-being and happiness was not only attainable, but important.

I am not, by nature, a selfish person. I just don’t have that as part of who I am, but I began to be selfish about my sanity and happiness. And then another funny thing happened.

The hateful and negative people took off. The psycho husband left – I literally opened the front door for him and smiled as I closed it behind him – and I found a better place to work. I slapped back and snarled at the vampires and they quickly found other victims. Trust me, a vampire will always find a food source, so never worry that they’ll starve. Or that you’ll hurt their feelings. You won’t. People who can only survive by sucking the life out of others are vampires. They walk among us, even in the daylight.

You want to be loved?

Start with yourself because after that, it won’t matter if someone loves you or not. You have enough to spare.

You don’t like yourself?

Change your mind. It’s that simple and that’s the joke. The simplicity of it is simple. Don’t listen to the psycho babble about it. That’s coming from a vested interest group.

Just…change…your…mind.

As my dear friend and mentor L. Ron Hubbard once said to me:

“The only time you find something is when you put it there first.”

Too simple. Too true.

So, I just put it there. I just decided that I was worthy of love, deserved it and that I was important to myself. And the more I did that, the better (not easier necessarily) life became. I found it much easier to give love because I had an abundance.

You can’t give something that you don’t have.

Let me know how it works out for you.